Where do I begin? Growing up in a tiny town, I always thought I was the oddball. My way of thinking was unheard of, so left of center, to anyone I knew. I figured "hey, maybe I'm the only one". Little did I know that years later a book like THIS would be published to show me I'm not the only one.
This was a real eye-opener! I could see myself behind these rants written in black and white, screaming at and hating people! Is this something to be proud of? Maybe, maybe not. I don't care. The point is I agree with practically every word in this book, if not every word.
I'm going to sift through each chapter, tell you what I like about the chapter, that I agree with said chapter, and possibly write an example of my own on said subject.
Here we go.
Chapter 1: The stories. The stories in this chapter are hilarious! Even more so because they're true! If I was in that cab, I probably would have done the same, let me tell you. Aside from that, I too have observed "mankind". There's nothing human about the way people behave or treat other people nowadays. There's nothing OK about the way people behave or treat other people nowadays. It's wrong, it's stupid, and it turns my stomach to think about the fact that THIS is our future. UGH! As far as "YOLO" goes, I've only used it in a joke setting, never to justify my stupidity. "Hashtag" (#) is also another I never used until recently, and out of necessity I might add! Just saying "hashtag" gives me quite an uncomfortableness. The heebie jeebies, if you will. It makes my skin crawl, but how else am I supposed to get my tweets and Instagram posts out there?! Dammit! This book initiator begins with his notice to all about it's contents and how you might be offended. If you can't get passed this chapter, don't read on!
Chapter 2: All I gotta say is, "Yes, people dress like idiots". Is that all I should say? Yes. Is that all I'm gonna say? No! Stop with the no-sock-wearing fad! Stop! It's stupid and it's gross! Just to think of your sweaty feet inside those stupid shoes of yours is enough to make me gag! Obvious exception; if you're wearing sandals/beach thongs, other than that, STOP! Aside from that, one of my biggest pet peeves is wearing suspenders WITH a belt in one outfit. This infuriates me to another degree that the ink is bleeding onto another page and I'VE JUST RUINED MY FELT TIP PEN! And I will tell someone when they've made this mistake, OH, I WILL, BELIEVE YOU ME!, because it seems that they didn't notice, considering that they're wearing suspenders and a belt IN THE SAME OUTFIT! It's either one or the other, NOT both! Apart from all that, I believe there should be age and weight restrictions on certain clothing. Trust me, of you're a 60+ year old skeleton, the words "Juicy" scrawled across your buttock does not apply to you. If you know that your shirt size is XXL, don't buy a medium, no one wants to see your gut. Seriously. There are too many examples like these, and some of the best examples are in this book already. On a quick other example in this book, it also infuriates me when people take all the time in the world, and the lights, to cross the street. Just move!!! I'm just gonna move on. Corey starts a fashion rant that cannot be summed up in one chapter!
P.S. I wish I could go to Comic-Con...
Chapter 3: I know all too well what goes on at airports. I see these people all the time. The idiots with small children that should have just driven to their desired destination to spare us all as a kindness. Wait, I almost forgot people are idiots and don't think and just want to get to their destination NOW. I've witnessed the ill-prepared bunch where they look bewilderingly at the ticket agent upon any question directed to them. Then again, maybe they were just high, I do live in Colorado you know. I've seen the people fumble around in the TSA line because they were too busy texting or tweeting and hash-tagging (UGH!) to hear "take off your shoes". And what's with the rush to get on the plane?? Just wait your turn!!! If you're in Group 4 and they're calling Group 1, don't rush the gate door! You have a ticket! No one will take your seat! You will get on the plane eventually!! Just wait!!! Corey expresses all our frustration with flying in this chapter for your optical pleasure. I think we can all relate.
Chapter 4: More on clothing. Personally, my way of dressing has not changed since middle school. Honestly. I'll throw on a killer band tee or a funny tee, some slim jeans (not skinny...anymore), and my Vans. Unless I have to dress up, then in that area, I like to think I know how to dress. I've got what I believe to be nice suits (3 piece suits), great shirts, and fancy ties. Again, "I believe". That's just me. Looking around, though, all I see are pants hanging WAY too low, and dresses that are too tight and/or too short. *sigh* I'm getting red in the face just thinking about it. Although, I do remember a time when I wore high waters in elementary school. Not because it was cool or hip (trust me, it wasn't at that time, and I'm not even sure if "hipsters" existed then...), but because I grew up in a non-rich house hold, and that was all I had. I honestly didn't really notice until one classmate pointed it out to me. "Why are you wearing high waters?" Shut up kid. Shut up. Corey continues his rant on fashion along with a few of his own fashion mishaps over the years.
Chapter 5: People. Don't. Know. How. To. Drive. There are sooooooooooooo many idiot driver stories running through my head right now, but let's not make this "letter" to Corey Taylor into a "book" to Corey Taylor. I truly believe that drivers in Colorado are THE worst in America. Then I read Taylor's stories of Cali drivers, then I thought, "Wow, they're just as bad". At any rate, drivers in Colorado are complete idiots that think the whole world revolves around them. These people will cut you off without a moments hesitation or a TURN SIGNAL TO WARN YOU! These people will cut you off in the far left lane, only to then cut across the ENTIRE ROAD to make a right turn at the very next light! AHHH!!! The tail-gating, OH MY GOSH the tail-gating! You're lucky I'm not filthy rich buddy or I'd be brake testing you left and right! Then we get to 4-Way stops. It's like your brains stop working at 4-Way stops. It's not rocket science!!! I'd better slow down before I get an aneurysm or a heart attack. And can we stop and talk about elderly drivers for a moment? No, better yet, I have a solution! Once you hit the ripe age of 60, you have to take a driving test, then again every 5 years after until you can't drive anymore. If you so happen to fail any of those tests, BOOM your license is take away. In that situation, the government then mails you a limit-less credit card meant for taxi use ONLY, or Uber, if that's your thing. This will resolve the many frustrations and car wrecks due to elderly drivers. To sum up, yes, I have gnarly road rage because of all you incompetent drivers! ALL OF YOU!!! Incompetent driver stories all up in here, and how he deals with it.
Chapter 7: I gotta say, the "Head Song" story, hilarious! I never would have thought up something like that in a million years. Anyway. Relationships. Is it really so hard to get to know someone before your hormones take over you? Come on son! Relationships are no walk in the park. It takes time and effort to get to know someone, and a gnarly long list of compatibility issues. I like Corey's checklist idea. Bravo! But seriously, if he or she abuses you in any way, just walk away! Don't stay and wait to see if he or she changes! This chapter highlights on relationship and dumb people involved in them. He comes up with a simple but elegant solution to your problems!
Chapter 8: Seriously. What's wrong with kids today? Better yet, what's wrong with parents today?! Children have NO respect for anyone because of you parents! You didn't teach them any better, so don't get mad if I smack your children for disrespecting me, that's your fault. I'm doing your job. And pay attention to your babies if they're wailing their heads off. They're telling you they need something! Don't roll your eyes at me either! It was your decision, or mistake, to have that child! Deal with it!!! When I was a kid, I was spanked viciously, yes, and I'm grateful for it. Why? Because it taught me a little something called "respect". R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Maybe you've heard of it. Then again, maybe not. I was taught never to ask for anything or make a scene in the super market, OR ELSE. My parents always told me "If we have a little extra money, we will ask if you want a little something, otherwise DON'T ASK". It taught me the value of money at a young age too. Acting up or being an idiot in public was not taken lightly. My parents didn't care, they'd spank the crap out of me in public, and not embarrassing them in the process, no no, embarrassing ME. I was the one in tears in front of dozens of people. That's what I got for being an idiot. Take notes parents-of-today. Take good notes. You'll thank me later. As you might have guessed, Corey talks about parents that don't know how to raise children today, which is basically EVERYONE.
Chapter 9: Yes! I hate "Glee" too!!! The renditions of the songs that I love on that show are enough to make me never wanna hear again! Anyway. Just as you said The Neck, what's wrong with music today? Everything's electronic or remixed, even classic TV show themes! Why does everything popular have to sound exactly the same? And modern rock. Ugh! Modern rock! By the way Corey, that 2013 album from that band. Come on, just tell me. Was it Bullet For My Valentine, or Avenged Sevenfold? Just tell me if it's one of those two. Message me, text me, something! Back to the issue at hand. I feel bad for the real artists coming out. They're automatically clumped together with all these indie groups and not given a chance. On top of that, I really believe that the ONLY bands coming out with good music today are the bands that have been around for 20+ years. Just look at Metallica's Hardwired... To Self Destruct! Wow! It's hard to find good modern music now. No one will bother to learn an instrument, they all have magic programs on their laptops and 10 different writers for just one song. Stupid! Look at Freddie Mercury, he wrote Bohemian Rhapsody by himself! Do you have any real talent I wonder? I think not if you need help from 20 different people to write one song, and what does that "song" even have?? The same beat in a loop for 5 minutes while you "sing" 3 words over and over again with a "featured artist" going "ugh" and "yeah" every other second. STUPID!!!!! That's why I gave up on watching ANY form of music awards show. These idiots give out awards to the talentless and don't recognize the real musicians. On another note. I love jazz too! And like you said, there's so much to listen to! On to TV. I'm not even sure what to say about that because I gave up watching TV a long time ago, with the only exception of the BBC's Sherlock. That show is awesome! Besides that, I'll take Corey's word for it. By the way, I thought you had to be a ROCK BAND to win "BEST ROCK ALBUM" or to get inducted into the ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME. Apparently not! Stupid me! ...idiots. Corey expresses his distaste with today's media, and all that it takes from the real talent.
P.S. Enough with the movie reboots. Do it right, or not at all.
Chapter 10: I really enjoyed this insight into Corey Taylor. Oh, and that shotgun story. HA! Enough said. Also, never will I ever ride a rickshaw now. No, thank you! Sounds fun, but, no, thank you! On another personal note, I too have things I cannot do, as I'm sure everyone does. Do I feel stupid because I can't do these things? Yes, but what can I do about it?? I don't know! But I am good at what I am good at*cough cough*writing ...maybe? We get an in-depth look at the authors own flaws and mishaps over the years. We're all imperfect, OK?
Chapter 11: I like how this chapter brings everything to a fantastic conclusion. Not much to say here but, "very nice!" This book finisher ends on another angry note to all.
In closing, I can't really think of anything said in this book that I don't agree with. As the title of this article states, this is a letter to Corey Taylor, but you can take a gander if you so wish. And hey, of you know Corey Taylor personally, show him this*hint hint nudge nudge wink wink* It is hard to live in this world when your too tired of it to even step out to buy a vinyl. Dealing with people that think they're the center of the universe, afraid for my cars safety in the process. Can't I go buy music in peace???